SIMONE MAXWELL: Oh...moan...
KQ: Okay, it's starting...
SM: You can tell that Treize is really jealous of how Relena looks in her gown, which is why he said, "Well, you can't be the queen any more. I want to be the queen now!"
KQ: He strips her of her honors, and strips her of her gown...
SM: "*Rrrrip!*" [laughter] And then she's walking away from the big, grand building in, like, her sweater and her mini-skirt, and she's pouting and stuff. And Dorothy is still running around in her a-little-bit-too-risque-for-a-15-year-old ballgown. It's nice to know they still have push-up bras in the future, isn't it? [laughter] Nice to know they still have slutty ballgowns for 15-year-olds.
KQ: She really, really likes her prom dress--she wears the darn thing all the time! [laughter]
SM: She just really likes the netting.
KQ: Maybe it's stapled onto her.
SM: She wanted to take her grandpa to the prom. But you know what? He went out in space and blowed himself up!
BOTH: Woo-hoo!
SM: He blowed up real good! [laughter] So she couldn't take Grandpa to the prom.
KQ: And then Sally expected Heero to bring...
SM: How is Heero supposed to take Heavyarms out into space with him? Sally was like, "Here, why don't you take this with you?" And Heero's like, "How?" I mean, was he supposed to carry it piggy-back, or was he supposed to go swipe another one of those convenient space shuttles that there seem to be so many of, conveniently lying around? Y'know, I never would have thought it would be so easy to hotwire a space shuttle.
KQ: It's covered in Gundam Pilots School. [laughter]
SM: It's the first day of class--"Okay, class, today we'll learn how to hotwire the space shuttle." The kids all go, "Awwww, we already know that." [laughter] Little South Park kids..."Dude, that's lame! Everyone already knows how to fuckin' hotwire a fuckin' space shuttle, dude!" [laughter] See, I told you this is a hard episode to get through...
KQ: Well, Heero could have carried Heavyarms where he carries his gun--in his pants! [laughter]
SM: The back of his pants, sure! [laughter] Just reach back there and... [imitating Heero] "I brought you something, Trowa." [Trowa screams like a girl] "Aieeeeeee!" [back to normal] Trowa, like, has a heart attack, 'cause he's scared that Heero is either going to whip out a gun and shoot him, or drop his pants at him...
KQ: That would be scary. I wouldn't mind seeing it, but it would be scary...
SM: He has the extra-dimensional pants. [laughter]
KQ: So you're saying that his pants are, like, a Tardis?
SM: Could we just not mention Doctor Who at all? [laughter] 'Cause it's, like, one of the most excerable things ever done. I mean, hand puppets and old guys and...
KQ: Hand puppets?
SM: Hand puppets! They had hand puppets!
KQ: Where? In Doctor Who?
SM: "Nooo," you say, "they were real aliens from outer space!" [laughter]
KQ: Well, real alien giant salt-shakers, at least.
SM: [like a Dalek] "Exterminate! Exterminate! Season! Season!" [laughter]
KQ: And then...uh...Noin and Duo and Quat and Trowa went out into space...
SM: And they almost got shot by The Big Gun! And then the gun operative who looked suspiciously like Sayla Mass out of the original Gundam series--think they did that on purpose? I do. "Hey, let's see if anybody recognizes the chick with the flip!" And then Zechs, who seems to be having mental problems, which is no surprise...
KQ: He's not having mental problems--he's having an Epyon Moment! [laughter]
SM: He's having an Epyon seizure! 'Cause he's like, [becomes a crazed, panting Zechs] "I'm going to kill you! No, I'm going to kill you!" [laughter] "Must-kill-something!" [back to normal] He's having a William Shatner overacting breakdown...[laughter] [a la Shatner] "Will...strong...body...weak...!" [back to normal] And Epyon's like, "Eeuw, somebody get me a Kleenex! I need to get this thing out of my chest cavity!" [laughter] Poor Epyon...
KQ: Epyon tore up Barge pretty good.
SM: Yeah, that was pretty cool! Sliced it up like a big ol' piece of salami! [pause] Y'know, it's a good thing that people, when they read this, aren't going to be able to detect the long silence as we desperately search for something boffo and nutty to say...
KQ: There were lots of boffo and nutty things in yesterday's episode! Like...[can't think of any]
SM: Like...[also can't think of any] [laughter] And there's another long silence for you!
KQ: You weren't scared when Barge was firing at stuff?
SM: Well, sure I was scared.
KQ: Well?
SM: But I knew that our heroes would not get barbecued because they're our heroes.
KQ: That's not necessarily so...
SM: I've noticed something odd--well, not odd, I'm sure it's on purpose--about our heroes' Gundams. Have you noticed that they seem completely impervious to explosions? Any other kind of a Gundam, you get a Mobile Doll or a Taurus or Vayeate or whatever, and something explodes next to it, the 'bot itself is gonna go "boom"! But these things seem to be able to withstand several megatons' worth of dynamite.
KQ: Because they're made out of Gundanium alloy! Don't you read the model kit boxes? [laughter]
SM: Well, I thought they were all made out of Gundanium alloy.
KQ: Uh...
SM: Is it because...maybe it's just that I think of all robots in that universe as Gundams. But everybody is, like, [becomes a panicked citizen] "Oh my God! It's a Gundam! Auuggghhh!!" [laughter] [back to normal] It's like, I'm trying to equate that in my mind with, like, [another frenzied individual] "Oh my God! It's a Harley-Davidson! Auuggghh!" [laughter]
KQ: But Gundanium isn't all-impervious. Remember, Trowa was able to shoot down DS.
SM: Yeah, but that's because he's a Gundam pilot, and he knows where the weak spots are. He knows where the ticklish spots are--like, in between the joints, or whatever. And then he cries sparkly tears. "I'm crying sparkly tears..." And lo, you are possessed by the urge to slap Trowa! [laughter] He doesn't say "sparkles" in Japanese, though--he says "twinkles." And remember, "shun" means "twinkle"!
KQ: That's a joke for all you Saint Seiya fans out there.
SM: For all 16 or 20 Saint Seiya fans out there! [laughter] Y'know, all the Saint Seiya stuff that gets auctioned on eBay is in Spain or France? It's really popular over there.
KQ: Would probably be popular here too, if it ever showed. And by the way, here's your trivia fact for the day--B't X is not the sequel to Saint Seiya!
SM: [erupts] B't X is stupid and lame and sucks!
KQ: [blinks] I like the B't X.
SM: Okay, the B't X itself is cool.
KQ: I love the B't X. The B't X itself is [roars] soooo coooooool!! [laughter]
SM: Well, you can have the B't X. I'll take Epyon.
KQ: The B't X is like Epyon and Secretariat's love child!
SM: Secretariat's dead! Helloooo! [laughter]
KQ: Well, like that isn't the major problem. [laughter] They did it "scientifically."
SM: "Scientifically"! I keep forgetting! [laughter] [Note: The owner of a gelded horse once told Kagenami Q that there had to be some way for her gelding to impregnate mares "scientifically"...]
KQ: [overdramatically] But you weren't scared about Barge? Firing at stuff, and, like, hitting the colony and stuff? With the Gundam pilots helpless to do anything?!
SM: That's because Noin just geeked out and lost her mind when she saw Zechs--"Oh, there's Zechs! I'm going to completely forget any intelligence I have, because, lo, I have steaming undies for him!"
KQ: I was really surprised when her Taurus was able to hold onto Epyon for that long.
SM: Well, she's got that souped-up Taurus.
KQ: So, how is Heero going to get Heavyarms out into space, anyway?
SM: Gonna fold it up and stick it in his pocket. "Look, Trowa, I've got something for you..."
KQ: [sings] "Transformers..." [laughter]
SM: Now, that's not fair! 'Cause Wing does transform.
KQ: You can sell more toys that way.
SM: That's true, you can. And we all know it's important to sell more toys.
KQ: Why didn't they ever make dolls of the characters?
SM: I don't know! I had a really neat dream once where they did, and they were really cool. Does Bandai have anything to do with Medicom?
KQ: No.
SM: That's too bad. Because if anybody was going to make dolls of the Gundam Wing guys, I would probably want it to be Medicom. Or Marmit.
KQ: I hate to bring up Sailor Moon here, but Bandai did produce those butt-squash-ugly Sailor Moon dolls in the U.S.--those things with no profiles.
SM: Bandai produced them, but I don't think Bandai designed them. I think...
KQ: Bandai still sold 'em. Still had the merchandizing rights in the States for those dolls, so they're responsible.
SM: Yeah. They were hideous. I'll be the first to admit it.
KQ: Pure speculation here, but do you think there's going to be additional Wing merchandise produced to sell in the States?
SM: I don't know...
KQ: Because they've got tons of model kits in Japan, just sitting around, and once a show goes off the air in Japan, a lot of the stuff gets dumped...
SM: Dumped in Hong Kong.
KQ: Yeah. A lot of people will go to Hong Kong and buy it up cheap.
SM: Didn't [name withheld] tell us he was able to get a lot of Gundam Wing kits [that way]? My guess would be that there would not be any additional merchandise. You and I know that there was shitloads of merchandising for Gundam Wing to begin with. It's over in Japan; it's had its day in Japan. Any leftover merchandise is going to get shunted over here, rather like what's been happening with Pokemon. There really hasn't needed to have been any American-made or -produced Pokemon merchandise; they're just bringing over Japanese stuff and sometimes repackaging it. Because there's so much of it, there was just floods of it, and then it was like suddenly Pokemon wasn't popular over there any more, so they're like, "Oh well, let's ship this to America now," and they did. And all the American little kids are happy now, and now all the American little kids are moving on to something else.
KQ: So you don't see anything...
SM: That would be my instinct. I would like there to be more, if it was well done....
KQ: McFarlane is doing a Vash The Stampede...
SM: [facetiously] Oh yeah, and that's all my responsibility, too, because I told them that they should.
KQ: But you did!
SM: Well, yeah, I did tell them that they should, at last November's Mid-Ohio Con. They were very nice. They listened to me; they didn't say, "Go away--you're a girl," which I was very relieved about. I brought a folder of photocopies from Trigun anime books and the manga, and went to one of the guys at the McFarlane booth and said, "Hey, may I talk to you for a few minutes?" and he said, "Sure." And I was like, "I think you guys ought to do anime toys. I think you guys would do real well with anime-style stuff, and here's some stuff from one show, Trigun, that I think would be really cool." I showed him the main characters, and he looked at them and he listened, it looked like he was giving it some thought. And he said, "You know, the interesting thing is, we actually are pursuing some anime licenses." And I was like, "Really?!" You could've knocked me over with a marshmallow at that point, and I was so stunned, I didn't even think to ask which ones they were considering!
KQ: Well, it helps that in the Trigun manga, Nightow has a couple-page spread in the back of one volume about how his dream is to have McFarlane produce toys of Vash The Stampede.
SM: And I guess he actually even collects American action figures. And he loves his Venom toys, and he loves his Spawn toys. [laughter]
.KQ: Just one question...[exploding] Why didn't you say "Gundam Wing"?!
SM: Because I'm a putz! [laughter] I'm going to write them, really...I'm going to suggest Cowboy Bebop. They would love to do Faye Valentine, don't you think?
KQ: I know a lot of guys who'd like to do Faye Valentine...[laughter]
SM: But they'd have a lot of fun with Jet Black, too! Think of all the cool cybernetic attachments you could have on him...and I don't mean anything dirty by that! [laughter]
KQ: But what about Heero? You could have lots of accessories to keep in his pants...
SM: You could do variant costuming on them. You could do the regular outfits and, like, the Oz spacesuits on them, the organ grinder monkey outfit. And you could Duo in his apparently formal version of his outfit that you never see him wear except in the opening titles...
KQ: With the lions on it?
SM: Yeah. And you could do Trowa in his clown outfit! Wouldn't that be sweet? [laughter]
KQ: Did I ever tell you about the guy at Comiket in Trowa's clown outfit? Or did you get to see him that time you and me went?
SM: I saw a picture of him. It was horrible! It frightened me! He was a little pudgy guy!
KQ: He was not! He didn't look pudgy at all.
SM: Maybe I saw a different guy.
KQ: He was kind of tall, and his outfit is really nice. He just wears the outfit and walks around very unobtrusively in the area where the Gundam Wing circles are. I've seen him, like, three different times!
SM: When I was at Comiket, I actually saw somebody wearing a Trowa outfit, and he was also carrying a backpack. I was kind of like, "Ummm, okay..."
But the point I was gonna make about Gundam Wing action figures--it would be very cool to see McFarlane do Gundam Wing action figures, but you know, somehow I don’t think Bandai is gonna let go of the license.
KQ: They probably haven’t let go of those head molds for the American Sailor Moon dolls, either. Won’t those make for great Gundam Wing character dolls!
BOTH: [scream for a full 40 seconds]
Go to Chapter 2 "Five Good-Looking Japanese Boys From All Walks Of Life!" (on Romper Room on Speed, Heero and Trowa and Sylvester and Daffy, the Princess Mononoke Press Guide, 'Handing It' To Paul Lynde, and More Praise For Gundam Wing Episode 1)
Go to Chapter 3 "What Were They Thinking?!" (on Bad Accents from Star Blazers to Giant Robo, Tomino's Monkeywrench, Photoshopping Heero's Shorts, the Quest for Two-Flap Swear Words, Duo Gets His Gun, and Gundam Wing Episode 2)
Go to Chapter 4 "'Dickweed' Would Gladden My Heart" (on Duo's Vintage Vocabulary, Heero's Mysterious Dripping, "Instructor Noin" Meets "Inspector Gadget," and Gundam Wing Episode 3)
Go to Chapter 5 "There Should Be About 57 Dots Between the 'Umm' and the 'Okay'..." (on the Appeal of Noin, How Sid & Marty Krofft Swayed Wufei, Crunchy Fruity Rebels, Fear of Freeza, and Gundam Wing Episodes 4, 5 and 6)
Go to Chapter 6 "The Hell With the New Possibilities--She Wants To Plook Heero!" (on the World's Smallest Violin, the Unfortunately-Named General That-Part-Of-Your-Nose, Ringo Starr Meets Turn A Gundam, Memories of Pleading For Heero's Medical Prognosis, and Gundam Wing Episodes 6 and 7)
Go to Chapter 7 "Why Don't You Gundams And The Colonies Get A Frickin' Room?" (on Zechs Failing Shop Class, Quatre Raberba Jonny Quest Winner, Simultaneous Possession By Dr. Evil, Heero's Difficulties With Modern Technology, Pagan's Surfing For Smut, and Gundam Wing Episode 17)
Go to Chapter 7.5 "Silence Nowwwwwwwwwwww!" (on Heero's Holster, Explaining Headcheese, Sally and Cher Po, the Gundam Wing Voice Actors Revealed, Kudos For Correspondents, and Gundam Wing Episode 20)
Go to Chapter 8 "God Forbid Little Kids Get Ideas..." (on the Great Houdini vs. the God of Death, Keeping Duo from Damaging Impressionable Young Minds, Oz Fashion Don'ts, Duo's True-Life Nature Adventure, a Left Turn into Trigun, and Gundam Wing Episode 23)
Go to Chapter 9 "Stay Away From Those Oz Burritos!" (on the Gundam Wing Language Rules, the Great Destroyer Vs. Great Mazinger, Trowa Markets the Oz Viewmaster, the Omnipresent Mr. B Natural, and Gundam Wing Episode 24)
Go to Chapter 10 "I Don't Usually Use 'Clown' In That Context..." (on Epyon's Sex Appeal, Duo Hitting the [Soy] Sauce, Wasabi Wars, Catherine Gets a Trowagotchi, Evoking Bozo, More Language Rules, and Gundam Wing Episodes 36 and 37)
Return to MIND EDUCATION: Kagenami Q's Gundam Wing Doujinshi Reference Digs
This page was created May 16, 2000. Last updated November 23, 2004.